Progress

Today, I humbly return to my little blog. Relapsed. Slightly broken. Frustrated at my lack of self will. I can’t remember how many Day 1’s I’ve had. A LOT. It feels more lately like THIS Day one is it. I’m done with drinking and the endless cycle for good. I get to around the 30 day mark, and feel like I deserve a reward. (A drink??) Makes no sense. There are other triggers as well, and I’m doing my best to identify them. I feel like I’m getting closer and closer to outsmarting myself. Hubs imbibes from time to time, and when he does he definitely over does it.  While he’s respectful of my decision to abstain, he doesn’t really think I’m an “alcoholic”. I get too far away from my support system and checking in with my higher power and I drink again. Like someone with amnesia. I do not have great emotional regulation or ability to deal with stress or anger. There are so many things I want to do in life, and experiencing these set backs in terms of not being able to get my sobriety to stick, makes me feel like I’m purposefully self sabotaging. All I can do is return again to One Day at a Time. At the very least, I can say this last year I have had significantly less drinking days and even a handful of sober months, and that’s progress.

 

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